Separating the Boys from the Men

We live in the 21st century. We pride ourselves on our new, modern ways of thinking, and our abandonment of old, dated stereotypes, and the unfairness and prejudice that accompanies them. Or do we?

Sure, we may say that it's what's on the inside that counts, or that it's more acceptable nowadays for a woman to marry a man smaller than herself. Or we say that the physical doesn't matter when it comes to true love.

Well, to that I say: Yeah, right.

This is a subject that has been on my mind for the past couple of days. We started talking about it in my class about the Literature and Culture of the American West. Naturally, we were talking about cowboys and Indians, and in particular, the novel "Hondo" by Louis L'Amour. My teacher pointed out that there was just sheer manliness that was displayed by Hondo Lane, and that in this day and age, we find that more appealing than we would usually care to admit.

After contemplating this for quite a while, I've come to the sadly shallow realization that this is, indeed true. And I can prove my point. (Accepting, of course, that there are ALWAYS exceptions to every rule. I'm just talking in general here.)

Let's take a look at who we idolize, romantically at least, in this country.

First, let's start with the obvious: cowboys.

Here's a picture of John Wayne, actually in his role as "Hondo", the book I was talking about. John Wayne is one of those classic "real men"- the kind that are independent, and great with a gun. He's the kind of man that you know would definitely protect you.

Every girl loves a cowboy, right? Why is that? Well, he can handle a horse. He looks great in a cowboy hat. He's got that southern hospitality, and he knows how a woman should be treated. He's not afraid to take control, and his whole self is defined by his manhood.

Next, we've got the lethal men.

James Bond. Probably one of the most idolized "real men" that we have. He's smooth with the ladies, but besides that, he can kill just about anybody. He's strong, muscular, and once again- he can and will protect you.

Let's not forget Wesley, aka "The Man In Black" from 'the Princess Bride'. He's swift with his sword, can climb a thousand foot steep cliff, can defeat a giant, plus he's smart to boot. He exudes manliness, in my opinion.

There are so many more. Take a look:

Batman- no explanation needed. Okay, maybe one word: Hot.

 Han Solo... the rough, bad boy that... surprise, surprise, eventually wins the princess' heart.

Even pirates, who plunder and steal and murder in such a crude way- we romanticize them! Because there's something rugged and desperate and completely manly that cries for our attention.

Um, Duh. Helloooo Jason Bourne.

Indiana Jones

And let's not forget our lovely community volunteers:

and let's not forget...

See what I mean? There's something about all of these men, this roughness, brawniness, that attracts us to them. Are we drawn to the wimpy men? No, we are not. We like the ones that we feel can protect us! The ones that we can rely upon to kill the spiders and fight the bad guys. We want men who will be able to carry us across the threshold, plain and simple.

But what is a "real man"? Despite my unabashed shallowness at admitting that I find all of these men insanely attractive, there's a big part of me that recognizes that there's got to be more to it than that. I mean, cause let's face it, I do idolize some men that are not the manliest.

Look at Mr. Darcy. He was a gentleman. He did nothing to earn a living, was not super physically built (despite what the pond scene might indicate), and he just wasn't the manliest of men. And yet, he could dance. And he showed a certain emotional strength, and a strength of character, strength that I think is essential in any man.

And what about Gilbert Blythe? Surely, he wasn't what anyone would call "manly". He was smart, though, and his personality made him more attractive than anything.

And let's not exclude Mr. "Her Love is Like the Wind". I mean, heck- he was a skinny, not very built guy, but his gestures proved him to be quite the man. 

See what I mean? No, you probably don't. That's probably because I'm having a bit of a problem with it myself. 

What is the ideal man? For that matter, what's the ideal woman? I guess I have to say that it's just different for different people. 

I want to make this very clear: I like guys of all different heights, weights, hair color, eye color- you name it. I even like guys with crazily different personalities. But if I'm being honest with myself, I will admit that I, like the rest of the chick flick, hopelessly romantic community of women, do find a certain attractiveness about that ruggedly handsome, intensely strong and protective man. I'd be lying if I said that I didn't! In the past, I've even gone for the guys that were bigger and stronger, more "teddy-bearish" if you will. But yet, I am completely enamored of those men that can dance and sing and write- the intellectuals- despite their different body types. I will swoon and get completely twitterpated at a guy who can play an instrument or dance. Period. He could be the scrawniest thing, but if his voice sounds like butter, he has the potential to make me melt. 

Yes, I realize that ALL of the men that I have used as examples are fictional. Trust me, I know that real life is never this black and white, and no man can be everything. Thank goodness for that, because no woman coud be either. I definitely know that I couldn't. 

I guess what I'm saying is that it's interesting to see how the stereotypes of what defines a "real man " have persisted through the years, even though they are portrayed in different types of characters (the cowboys, the pirates, the firemen, the hit men, the space rangers, etc). 

I guess my final conclusion is that "manliness" or however you want to define it, is in the eye of the beholder. Make no doubt about it- I want a guy who can carry me over the threshold, and who will kill the spiders for me. But I also want a guy who's not afraid to dance with me or sing. 

Because let's face it, these so-called "manly" men? They had definite, big flaws. John Wayne? He pushed women around! Yes, he took control, but come on- try to find some kind of a balance without having to yank the woman to kiss. Try using words instead! :) And Jason Bourne? Well he probably has nightmares and would strangle you in your sleep. Han Solo was moody and Zorro was never home and wasn't the best father half the time. 

No romance or story is ever going to perfect, because perfection doesn't exist in mere mortals. 

If you couldn't tell, this was my desperate attempt to figure out how I actually feel about what we're talking about in class. I don't know if I've succeeded or not. I guess it's just the expressive in me coming out.

And yes, I realize that this blog post may make me seem shallow. But if you know me, you know that this is not the case. I'm merely trying to explore the different stereotypes that we idolize, and I include myself in that because I am that hopeless romantic. I'm that girl that cries at the end of chick flicks because I'm so happy they got together. Because in the end what really matters is that you find someone that you love, and whom you find to be attractive, and whom you find is the "real man" for you. It's about finding the balance. 

Strength manifests itself in many different forms, may it be through muscles, personality, intelligence, humor, emotionally- whatever. 

So yes, I want a strong man. But I guess you could say that "strong" is in the eye of the beholder. And this beholder happens to find strengths in many different shapes and sizes. :D